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Wednesday, August 20, 2003

a downer

Today's been kind of a dull day. We stayed home all day, which is totally, completely fine with me. Most days I wish we could. It is such an effort to go places -- all the getting the kids dressed decently and clean, and finding socks and matching shoes and hauling everything out to the car... sigh. I must be really, really boring but I would rather just stay at home. I'm not even going to Bible study tonight (T and LT are there) since C apparently has some kind of minor tummy bug or something, and we wanted her to stay home in case it was something contagious. She has had diarrhea all day, she threw up this morning (although I think that was triggered by her oversensitive gag reflex really), and she took a nap this afternoon which she never does unless we're in the car. No fever though. Who knows. At any rate we are home. She is about to fall asleep on the couch, watching 101 Dalmatians.


My parents were here for dinner; I roasted two chickens. One would have been enough, it turns out, but oh well. We have leftovers for sandwiches and stuff now. The potatoes that I cooked with them were soooo good, but they were also really greasy so I limited myself to a small serving of them. I really have no idea where this discipline is coming from unless it's from God. I have made an effort in the past to do this, and just given up after a matter of days. Now it's been three weeks and I'm still at it in spite of my -11 plateau.



I got some really depressing news today. An online friend of mine has a son who was diagnosed a year ago with a rare and vicious form of leukemia (has a 25% survival rate with treatment; 0% without). The son is C's age (almost 4). He had a bone marrow transplant in April, and was doing really well. His baby brother (born just a few weeks before the diagnosis) was his donor and it was a really inspiring story, the two brothers who kicked cancer in the butt. July 31st was Day 100 post-transplant which is apparently a really big milestone. Initial results from the testing from that day were good, and we were planning a little online party to celebrate, but today the more detailed results have revealed that he is probably relapsing. My heart just aches, I feel like I want to throw up. It's been on my mind all day, and I feel guilty when I feel cheerful about anything, thinking of the torment that mom is going through right now. I've lost a baby of my own; she died when she was nine weeks old and suffered for her entire short life from the effects of a serious heart defect. So to a degree, I know what my friend is enduring, but really, each grief is unique; they have the heartbreak involved in having thought they were out of the woods and doing fine, and then being dragged back down into a hell of worry and pain. I have been praying for them all day.



And on that note... wow, what else is there to say....

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