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Thursday, October 23, 2003

99 questions answered -- I am such a sucker for surveys. This one is less inane than usual.

WHEW. I borrowed these 99 questions from Emily. I've been working on them a handful at a time over the past week or so.

1. What is your name?
well, I'm known as hsing-mom at Diaryland. I've probably let my name slip in here a few times...

2. Where and when were you born?
December 25th, 1974, in the same small California town where I live now

3. Who are/were your parents?
They are the people who married each other, conceived me, gave birth to me (well, one of them did), and raised me. :) They're still married (32 years and counting).

4. Do you have any siblings?
I have a brother, 2 1/2 years older than me.

5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.
I live in a medium-to-small rented house with my husband, our 7-year-old son, and our 4-year-old daughter.

6. What is your occupation?
I'm a homemaker and a homeschooling mom.

7. Write a full physical description of yourself. Include height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.
What, am I a wanted suspect or something? :) I'm 5'8 1/2" tall, 174 lb (and going down), brown hair, brown eyes, caucasian, casual dresser, no tattoos, small scar on my forehead from when I slammed my bicycle into a pole when I was maybe 5.

8. To which social class do you belong?
I would say lower middle.

9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?
(I like the way this is phrased, hee hee). No, I am invincible non-allergic mega-ox-woman. Very low maintenance. I actually envied my higher-maintenance friends in high school but now I've realized how superior I am ;-).

10. Are you right- or left-handed?
Right-handed.

11. What does your voice sound like?
Low-pitched, a little nasal.

12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?
Like. I say "like" way too much. Also "freaking", which I said in front of my dad the other day without realizing it, and he looked at me like I'd said the Real Bad Word. Whoops.

13. What do you have in your pockets?
Nothing.

14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, or annoying habits?
I talk too much. I push my glasses up against my shoulder when my hands are full.

Growing Up 15. How would you describe your childhood in general?
Happy at home, unhappy at school.

16. What is your earliest memory?
I think it's from the national bicentennial but I'm not sure that's when it was.

17. How much schooling have you had?
High school graduate, some not-for-credit night classes.

18. Did you enjoy school?
Some aspects of it, very much. Others, not at all.

19. What was your favorite subject in school?
It varied year by year. I always liked music. I also liked drama, physics, chemistry, algebra, geometry, English, and French.

20. While growing up, did you have any role models?
My parents.

21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?
Really well.

22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A teacher. A mom.

23. As a child, what were your favorite activities?
Reading, imaginative play, playing with my brother, riding my horse.

24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?
I was pretty annoying, I think. I didn't think before I spoke, and didn't have a clue how to fit in with other people. And quirky is not OK when you're in elementary school -- at least, it's not OK with the other kids.

25. As a child, were you popular?
Not at all.

26. When and with whom was your first kiss?
Aside from some stupid experimentation stuff with my friends' brothers and stuff, my first real "love" kiss was in ninth grade.

27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?
I've been married 9 1/2 years, so virginity is pretty much out. I lost my virginity at the end of ninth grade, unfortunately, with my first serious boyfriend.

Past Influences

28. What do you consider the three most important events of your life so far?
My marriage (although really, the wedding was just the beginning of that, and it is ongoing), the births of my children, and becoming a Christian.

29. Who has had the most influence on you?
hmm. My parents, my husband, Jesus -- lots of people have influenced me whether I knew it or not. Even the kids who were mean to me in school influenced me.

30. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
My children -- that so far, they are loving, generous, friendly, capable young people.

31. What is your greatest regret?
If it had been possible, I wish that I had known how to rise above the criticism of my peers when I was younger. But that's not really a regret, because I don't think anyone in that situation at that age can do that. I do wish I'd not had sex until I was married. It just made for uncomfortable embarrassment later on -- after all, I see my high school boyfriends and their families around town, and that's always between us -- that history of intimacy thrown away. I don't understand how people can have such a casual view of sex, I really don't.

32. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?
I haven't done a lot of evil things. When I was in high school there was a girl who was lower on the social scale than I was and I was kind of mean to her. OK, there's another one for my greatest regret as well.

33. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?
No.

34. When was the time you were the most frightened?
When my middle daughter was born.

35. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?
I have answered this question in every single survey in this diary, it seems like. I don't know, it varies by what I think of as cringe-worthy, and it depends on whether the intention is to hear about an embarrassing gaffe I've made, or a moment when I was embarrassed by other people's unkindness. There are plenty of both, let's just say that.

36. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?
See above under greatest regrets.

37. What is your best memory?
Oh, there are so many. My wedding, my wedding night. The births of my children, to a degree, although there was a lot of unhappy and scary stuff involved with those also. And I have a million happy memories of my life with my husband and children. As far as one thing that stands out, I'll pick one from before my marriage. It made me feel really special when I was about to turn 18, and my parents bought me this gorgeous red velvet dress I'd been eyeing for a while, and then my dad took us and my best friend out to a very fancy dinner at the Ahwahnee Hotel for my 18th birthday.

38. What is your worst memory?
There are also a lot of those, many of them from elementary school. Most of them are too painful to bring up right now. From adulthood, the loss of my middle daughter was very hard. The surgical births of my daughters (babies 2 and 3) were really scary -- one because she had serious life-threatening problems which we'd had no clue about until she came out of me, and the other because she exhibited some of the same symptoms as her sister, even though she had been checked for the same problems and found to be fine. Those were definitely the two worst days/nights of my life so far.

Beliefs And Opinions

39. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?
Optimistic.

40. What is your greatest fear?
That something awful will happen to my children or husband.

41. What is your greatest comfort?
My belief in eternity. Being surrounded by my loved ones.

42. What are your religious views?
I am a born-again Christian -- I believe the Bible in its entirety.

43. What are your political views?
I'm morally and fiscally conservative. In the US this means that I'm opposed to spending a lot of money on social programs; I'm aware that the money people earn is their own and hence a tax cut is not "a break", it's just realizing that people should get to keep more of their own money; I'm opposed to abortion because it is the cruel and barbaric taking of an innocent human life; overall, I think people should be more responsible for the consequences of their actions than they usually are, and that people should be responsible for themselves in general whenever possible. If it weren't for abortion and drug legalization (which is a pretty minor factor for me, but still there), I would probably be a libertarian. When I first registered to vote, I registered as an "American Independent" -- also called the Taxpayers' Party if I remember correctly -- because the Republican party was too centrist for me. Now I'm a Republican, because the party moved back to the right a bit in the mid-90's.

44. What are your views on sex?
Sex is treated far too casually in our society. We've bought into this whole humans-are-just-animals thing a bit too far, and now we're telling our kids that they don't need to try to resist their hormonal urges because they can't anyway. This carries over into adulthood also, obviously, to the point where you're a weirdo if you don't have sex by the third date. And I think this is all very destructive to our culture, to our lives in general. Sex is the coupling of two people. Popular thinking reduces it to a simple connection of body parts, and it feels good, so why not do it? But really, intercourse puts two people together in a very serious and inextricable way. It causes a lot of emotional (and physical, but I'm not even going INTO that) difficulties when the relationship ends and it's time to move on -- all that shared intimacy becomes something to be sorry and embarrassed about. It's a lot of baggage. People who say sex shouldn't be reserved for marriage because that would somehow be boring or repressive don't know what they're missing. Married sex -- when you know this is the partner for the rest of your life, you have years and years to learn to do things exactly the way your spouse likes them done and vice versa, you can truly and really let yourself go with this person because you know there will not come a time when you're going to wish you could forget all these intimate moments... it's phenomenal.

45. Would you be able to kill?
If someone was threatening the safety and well-being of my children, my husband, my parents, myself -- you damn bet I would be able to.

46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?
So much evil has been done -- my inclination is to say something about abortion or mothers drowning their children or terrorism or the Holocaust, but unfortunately, humanity is certainly capable of evil beyond even those horrific situations.

47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?
I don't necessarily believe that there is One Person out there, and if you're in the wrong place or whatever you'll miss that one person and never be happy. But of course I believe in true love. And when you love someone enough, and spend time with him/her, that person becomes your soul mate, so to speak -- you become part of each other in a very real way. I think of it like two trees planted very close together -- the roots become so intertwined that to pull one out, you'd have to pull them both.

48. What do you believe makes a successful life?
Figuring out what your priorities are and living according to them. Surrounding yourself with people you love, and people you need, and people who need you. Being able to get by in a life that is enjoyable for you, without giving up on important things. Obviously it's something that's different for everyone, in my book.

49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?
I am really outspoken about my thoughts and feelings, except with people in that middle ground between super close and not close at all. Like, say, my in-laws, who don't know me well enough that I feel like I can be totally open, but some kind of relationship has to be maintained with them. With just casual acquaintances, I really don't give a hoot what they think and I'll just let fly.

50. Do you have any biases or prejudices?
Everyone does. A bias is simply a predetermined set of beliefs or preferences. Anyone who says he's unbiased is either kidding himself, or he's a jellyfish who changes his mind every time a new opinion is presented. As far as prejudices -- that's a little different, or at least the word has different connotations -- this implies that you have judged a person or a set of people (or whatever) before becoming familiar with him/them/it. I think we all probably have some of those too, but I'm not aware of mine.

51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances?
Put an apostrophe in the wrong place. ;-)

52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?
My children. My husband. My parents. My brother and his family. I don't know about anything else -- my inclination is to say that there are more, but I wouldn't know until realistically put in the situation.

Relationships With Others

53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)?
Politely. Overwhelmingly.

54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
The most important physical earthbound person to me is my husband, followed VERY closely by my children. For obvious reasons.

55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why?
Oh my. That's a big question. I respect a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. (why is there always an emphasis on "most", I wonder?). I have a lot of respect for my grandmother for raising seven children on a shoestring and not losing her sense of humor. For my dad, for facing enormous physical pain every single day and maintaining a cheerful, positive, God-honoring outlook on his life. For my husband, for having the courage to leave behind a lifetime of very destructive beliefs and friends, to start fresh at 18 years of age and again at 23, and for maintaining the right course, and for being so different with his children than his father was with him. For my mother, for basically reinventing herself physically and emotionally through great strength of will, and for being the exactly the perfect kind of mother for me -- really, my parents were, by and large, the parents all my friends wished they had -- and they are the role models for my husband and myself as we bring up our own children.

56. Who are your friends?
I have a lot of friends, and yet I have almost no friends (the joy of the Internet, eh?). I am part of a very close circle of online friends in a mom's group; I have a lot of friendly internet acquaintances picked up in various ways; my best girlfriend is a woman who lives in Florida whom I've met one time but known inside and out for going on seven years. I have one friend who was my best friend in high school; we didn't contact each other for ten years but this past year we've reconnected and are quite good friends again -- but again, I haven't met her since we were teenagers. I do have some quite close friends who live near me, but there aren't many, and we never seem to get together and do "girlfriend" stuff. My very best friend is my husband -- and he was that before we "got together".

57. Do you have a spouse or significant other?
If you've been reading just about any of my answers you'll have gathered that the answer to this is yes. :)

58. Have you ever been in love?
Ah, yes. :)

59. What do you look for in a potential lover?
That wedding ring I put on his finger... ;). I'll change this into "What is about your spouse that drew/draws you to him," and I'll say: He and I agree on most things but disagree on others -- just enough for a healthy debate now and then ;-). Our priorities and values are the same. We enjoy each other's company; there's a megaton of that elusive "chemistry" everyone talks about between us, and there always has been. He respects me and I respect him; he doesn't talk down to me; he is my intellectual equal. He is a wonderful communicator, a good listener, my best friend. We complement each other in every way.

60. How close are you to your family?
Very close. We see each other multiple times every week and speak on the phone almost every day.

61. Have you started your own family?
Yes, I have two living children and a daughter in heaven.

62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?
My husband. My parents. My brother. Beyond that, it depends on the kind of help.

63. Do you trust anyone to protect you?
Yes, I trust my husband and God. :) (and myself!)

64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you?
Lots of people, to varying degrees.

65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why?
Oh my. Most of the people I despise are public figures. Probably the MOST -- Hillary Clinton, sorry to the myriads of her fans. She is so intent on riding her husband's coattails to political success, while managing to push from behind at the same time. And of course I disagree with her on every possible issue there is, I think. Think of an issue, find her position on it, and chances are great that mine is the direct opposite. So she's handy that way, I guess. ;-þ

66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?
I touched on this a bit above in the answer about honesty about my thoughts and feelings. It depends on how close I am to the person. Super close or total strangers, I'll debate or argue (nicely and reasonably). It's the middle ground where I keep my mouth shut a lot because I don't want to offend.

67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?
Um, not really. Well, sometimes -- like online, in certain groups. But as a rule, no. Only when I am fed up with nobody else doing it -- like, say, putting together a field trip for a homeschool group.

68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?
Not in general. Only if I'm feeling more confident than usual. Which is not often.

69. Do you care what others think of you?
I care what people close to me think, very much. And I care enough about the opinions of total strangers not to go to the post office in sweats -- but not a whole lot more than that.

Likes And Dislikes

70. What are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?
Reading, spending time with my family, cooking (but not cleaning up), crocheting, Internet stuff.

71. What is your most treasured possession?
I don't know. Probably something sentimental. My grandfather's 1919 edition of the Oxford Book of English Verse maybe.

72. What is your favorite color?
It varies. It's usually a variation of blue -- cobalt, navy, dark dark teal.

73. What are your favorite foods?
A really good steak. Olive Garden's chicken scampi. Cadbury Roast Almond bars.

74. What, if anything, do you like to read?
I have discussed this a lot in various formats -- my first real literary love as an adult is the classical literature like Austen, Dickens, Charlotte Bronte, etc. My VERY first literary love was good kid-lit like Beverly Cleary, Laura Ingalls Wilder, L.M. Montgomery -- and I still definitely enjoy these authors even now. And I also like good modern literature -- Elizabeth Berg, Maeve Binchy, Sara Donati, Diana Gabaldon. But heck, I'll read the back of the shampoo bottle, if I'm stuck sitting still with nothing else to read.

75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?
I like listening to good music (from just about any era). I like good movies -- not too many "arty" or obscure ones, I have painfully plebeian cinematic tastes, I'm afraid. I enjoy old movie musicals, old movies in general, romantic comedies, adaptations of classic novels, non-gory thrillers, and some deep important movies as well.

76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?
No, no, no, n/a, and n/a. :)

77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night?
At home with my family.

78. What makes you laugh?
My children, my husband, sundry (and a lot of other diaryland diaries), movies, books. I'm easy to amuse.

79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you?
Well, there's shock and offense, and then there's shock and offense. In a way, a lot of things shock and offend me, because they are not the way I think they should be (like, say, people applauding a graphic video presentation of a partial-birth abortion). But in another way, I'm not shocked by that, because it's what I expect in a world that's as hell-bound as this one is. Sad to say.

80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?
Fire up this machine and stare at the happy blue glow. Probably discover a bunch of diaries I'd never read before. ;-)

81. How do you deal with stress?
Not well. I don't have a lot of it, so I don't have a lot of practice. I yell. And I know I shouldn't yell, and I always resolve I won't, but I do. And I get twitchy and very easily irritated.

82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?
I like having plans, but I like spontaneity also.

83. What are your pet peeves?
Oh, there's a long list. Grammatical/word usage stuff (like skim/scan, misplaced apostrophes, overuse of exclamation points, public mis-spellings [I don't mind in chats, but please, if you're going to publish an ad or name a restaurant, for crying out loud, run it through a human spelling checker first...]) always comes to mind when I'm asked this question. Also common thoughtlessnesses like not using turn signals.

Self Images Etc.

84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you.
I get up in the morning around 8:00, supervise/fix breakfast for my children, and start school. School takes anywhere from one to two hours. I check my email and browse around online, do some housework, play with the kids, run errands. Make lunch. Make dinner. Clean up after dinner, get the kids ready for bed, and put them to bed. Then T and I have some time alone, and then I'm back on the computer until I feel like going to bed, generally around midnight. There are tons of variations, but this is the basic bare-bones weekday.

85. What is your greatest strength as a person?
I am very, very loving and dedicated to the people who are important to me. I am generous with my time and affection.

86. What is your greatest weakness?
A lack of discipline.

87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would be more disciplined. :)

88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?
Extroverted.

89. Are you generally organized or messy?
Messy. But I would dearly LOVE to be organized. I'm just too lazy to pull myself together for more than a week or two at a time.

90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.
I am very good at: mothering, reading, and spelling. I am very bad at: washing dishes, working on cars, and writing.

91. Do you like yourself?
Yes, most of the time I do. And it hasn't always been this way, so I'm aware what a blessing that is.

93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?
I want to see my children grow into loving, capable, generous adults, with a solid faith.

94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
The homeschooling mother of a 12-year-old and a nine-year-old, with a mortgage and some night classes under my belt.

95. If you could choose, how would you want to die?
The same way everyone says -- painlessly, as an old woman, with my family around me.

96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.
I would write a long letter to each of my children about my love and my hopes for them. I would do the same for my husband. I would call or email many, many people to tell them how appreciated they are.

97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?
For being a loving person, faithful to God.

98. What three words best describe your personality?
Insecure, optimistic, joyful.

99. What three words would others probably use to describe you?
That depends on how well they know me.
Family/very close friends: Happy, loving, talkative.
Acquaintances and strangers: Weird, talkative, and ... cheerful?