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Monday, October 27, 2003
"anxiety" attack
The kids and I got a major case of the stir-crazies today and took off for the Valley. We had a good time -- went to Toys R Us (soon we will have collected every small Star Wars Lego kit that exists, and Toys R Us will cease to have a golden Grail shining above it in the eyes of my Lego-and-Star-Wars-obsessed son), Wal-Mart... you know, general stuff taken for granted by people who live in or near towns with a population greater than 2000. We also went to the park. The smallish city where we shop is not the brightest jewel in California's crown, that's for certain, but it has some very nice features. One is the trees -- someone had the very bright idea to plant LOTS of trees in the residential areas, years ago, and along many streets there are now these huge old trees that meet above the road. Lovely. Another good thing about it is its parks. There are a zillion, it seems like, and they have this walking/bicycle trail that loops around one end of the city. Very nice for letting the kids burn off some energy. Anyway. While we were at the park, I had just given the kids their five-minute warning when I had an enormous "anxiety attack". I put it in quotes because every time I describe these to people, they say, Oh, yes, that's an anxiety attack, except they never ever happen when I'm anxious. Daughter's not where I thought she was and I can't find her anywhere around our house and I'm running around outside calling her name trying not to panic? No anxiety attack. Son pulls a spring scale down on top of his head and splits his scalp, causing blood to run freely down his head, face, neck, and shoulders as if he were in a horror movie? Nope, doesn't happen then either. These only happen when I'm reclining on the couch, or sitting on a park bench watching my children play happily -- although I did have one once while washing the car. Hmm, perhaps that's more stress-inducing than it would seem. ;-). Anyway. I had a lot of mild ones during pregnancy, but the last one I had before today was a doozy -- that was the one when I was washing the car -- I got so weak I could hardly move, had to have LT call my mother to come help me, my heart raced at 150bpm for about twenty minutes, that sort of thing. It was really scary. This one wasn't quite that bad, which is a good thing since there was nobody who knew me personally within 45 miles and my only recourse would have been a very expensive (stupid freaking insurance!) trip to the hospital if it hadn't gone away.
Added later:
OK, I just found this at webmd:
Symptoms of a panic attack, which often last about 10 minutes, include:
- Difficulty breathing
- Pounding heart or chest pain
- Intense feeling of terror
- Sensation of choking or smothering
- Dizziness or feeling faint
- Trembling or shaking
- Sweating
- Nausea or stomachache
- Tingling or numbness in the fingers and toes
- Chills or hot flashes
- A fear that you are losing control or are about to die.
The physical symptoms -- shortness of breath, pounding heart, dizziness, faintness, trembling, sweating, nausea, chills, hot flashes -- those are right on. But there's never been any kind of "sensation of terror" or "fear that I am losing control or am about to die." Whatever.
Anyway, I don't know exactly where I was going with that. That was the only bad thing that happened on the whole trip though -- it was one of those golden days when both children were better-behaved than they sometimes are when we're going from store to store, and we had a lot of fun without spending too much money, and I ate too much but got enough exercise to at least partly make up for it. I did make the mistake a week or so ago of making a CD with kids' songs on it, and I am already wholeheartedly tired of all the songs on it. The two hours in the car with it today didn't help. Which is kind of a shame, because I do enjoy those songs ordinarily. Maybe that CD will get "lost" for a while.
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