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Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Yet another frequently-inane survey apparently written by a young person trying to appear wacky and witty

I borrowed these 100 questions from Peyton's Place.

1. Are you an innie or an outie?
I'm going to assume this refers to belly buttons -- isn't just about everyone an innie?

2. Have you ever worn bell-bottoms?
Actually, yes, many of the clothes I wore in elementary school were hand-me-downs and many of the pants were bell-bottoms. (this was the early-mid 80's so they weren't THAT old). This did not help with my popularity problems. I had one pair in particular that was utterly putrid -- orchid-colored. It would probably be fashionable again now. gag.

3. Have you ever written a song?
I don't think so. I did a lot of pretentious self-important stuff as a teenager, because I thought I was just the best and brightest and the first person to ever feel the way I did or think of the things I thought of (which, I came to find out later, is a really common affliction of teenagerhood, witness the many teenage diaries at diaryland for confirmation of this), and I know I wrote a lot of really. Cheezy. Poetry. So I may have written a song too, but I doubt it.

4. Can you make change for a dollar right now?
If I'm allowed to borrow from my son's money jar. He always has more money than I do.

5. Have you ever been in the opposite sex's public toilet?
I used to work for several different restaurants, and part of my job was cleaning bathrooms. So yes.

6. Have you ever smelled your own feet?
Um, who hasn't?

7. Do you like catsup on or beside your fries?
I dip in catsup. But if there's vinegar available I sprinkle that on top, with lots of salt. Yummers. Especially good with fish and chips but even just plain fries will do.

8. Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
No.

9. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout?
I was in Brownies and Juniors. Then my dad and brother were heavily involved in boy scouts so I was always hanging around that as well.

10. Have you ever broken a mirror?
Many, many times.

11. Have you ever put your tongue on a frozen pole?
No.

12. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Oh, wow, there are so many. Drawing one of the many at random, I would have to say... when people say "scan" and really mean "skim" (as in, "I just scanned it quickly, I didn't really read it carefully."). yarrrg.

13. Do you slurp your drink after it's gone?
No, that really gets on my nerves. Eating shouldn't make noise.

14. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk?
When I was little.

15. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper?
Whopper, whopper, whopper. McDonalds is like the British version of American food -- so bland.

16. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?
Yes, in a scenic river by moonlight the summer when I was 17, with my best friend. It was fun. One of those things I would NEVER do again, but I'm glad I have the memory.

17. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic?
Paper. We have a woodstove and the paper bags are great for putting your burnable garbage in and then just throwing in the stove.

18. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza.
Definitely, definitely true. No contest at all.

19. Did you have a baby blanket?
No.

20. Have you ever tried to cut your own hair?
I actually did, just before starting high school. It came out not well but not TOO badly. I don't know why I did it, though. And I always cut my own bangs.

21. Have you ever sleepwalked?
Once.

22. Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds?
No, barf.

23. Can you flip your eye-lids up?
I don't try.

24. Are you double jointed?
No.

25. If you could be any age, what age would you be?
I like the age I am, and I like the stage I'm at in my life.

26. Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair?
When I was little I did.

27. Have you ever thrown-up after a roller coaster ride?
No.

28. What is your dream car?
Either a Dodge Durango or a convertible Chrysler Sebring. Probably I would like to own the Durango, but rent the Sebring once, or lease it for a little while. Convertibles are a pain to own, from what I understand.

29. What is your favorite cartoon of all time?
I am not much into cartoons. Do VeggieTales count?

30. Would you go swimming in shallow waters where, one year earlier, a shark had attacked a child?
Generally sharks don't attack in shallow water, do they?

32. Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit?
I tasted dog food once when I was little, but no, I have never actually eaten a dog biscuit.

33. If you were in a car sinking in a lake, what would you do first?
Unbuckle the children, get the door open, and get them out.

34. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
No.

35. Can you pick something up with your toes?
Pencils and stuff, yes, can't everyone?

36. How many remote controls do you have in your house?
4. TV (which should also work the VCR and DVD player but it doesn't), VCR (which also works the TV but not the DVD player), camcorder, and DVD player.

37. Have you ever fallen asleep in school?
Not that I remember.

38. How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year?
None. I have never been in an airplane.

39. How many foreign countries have you visited?
None. I almost went to Mexico once, on my honeymoon, but there was rioting in Tijuana that day so we stayed in San Diego and didn't go there.

40. If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal?
Um, no.

41. Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy?
I have been poor and happy pretty much all my life, to one degree or another, relatively speaking. (I mean, compared to a family in Africa, we're rolling in money. But compared to the national average, we've never been very well off). I would definitely choose that route over rich and unhappy.

42. If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float?
I would probably try to tread water. Quicksand is where a spring is coming up under a sandpit, and the sand floats on top of the water. Interesting, huh.

44. Do you ask for directions when you are lost?
Yes. If I can buy a map, I do that first. Otherwise I just ask.

45. Have you ever had a Mexican jumping bean?
No, but there is a larvae that lives in our local oak trees that is similar.

46. Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland?
Um, neither. I do not live a life of drudgery, but I love books without pictures.

47. Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points?
Ant farm with no ants.

48. Do you prefer light or dark bread?
Medium. I don't like the REALLY dark stuff, like Russian rye, but I don't like plain white bread either. Although a good French bread is nice.

49. Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs?
Depends on my mood. Probably scrambled most of the time.

50. Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas?
Yes, a couple of times.

51. Do you talk in your sleep?
Yes.

52. Would you rather shovel snow or mow the lawn?
Mow the lawn, hands down.

53. Would you rather be bitten by a poisonous snake or constricted by a python?
Neither! But I suppose the bite would be easier to treat.

54. Have you ever played in the rain?
Frequently. I love playing in the rain.

55. Which do you think is more dangerous: an angry bear or a hungry white shark?
Angry bear. I'm generally not in the vicinity of a hungry white shark, but bears are a fact of life where I live (although generally they only attack garbage cans and dog food). (what is up with this survey? Was the person who wrote it obsessed with death?)

56. Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten?
No, they'll come down on their own. Although if the tree was easy to climb, yes, I would, because I enjoy climbing trees.

57. Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?
I think so.

58. Do you drink pepsi or coke?
Diet Coke.

59. What�s your favorite number?
I don't have one.

60. If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car?
I would be an SUV. And not a new shiny one either -- I'd be like a 1975 Travelall or something -- clunky and ugly, but utilitarian and good to have around.

61. Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel?
I don't think so.

62. Would you blow your nose at the dinner table?
No.

63. Have you ever slipped in the bathtub?
Yes.

64. Do you use regular or deodorant soap?
I change every time. Right now we have Ivory. Before that we had Coast (the eye opener!)

65. Have you ever locked yourself out of the house?
Yes, a couple of times.

66. Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons voices?
Singing cowboy.

67. If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be?
Ewan McGregor. He could sing for me, and he could play light sabers with my husband and son.

68. Have you ever gotten a truck driver to honk his horn?
Oh yes, we used to do this all the time. Trains too.

69. Which would you rather live with: a huge nose or crossed eyes?
Probably the nose.

70. Would you hang out with someone your best friend didn't like?
This is so high school. Yes.

71. Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn't like?
I doubt it.

72. Have you ever returned a gift?
Yes.

73. Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you?
Um, I did this once.

74. If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be?
Ice dancing.

75. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
maybe... 7?

76. If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her?
No. In fact this already happens, squared. Both of my grandmothers get me a subscription to Reader's Digest every year. I called the company about this, and they said that what will happen is that every year, I'll get a two year subscription added to what I already have coming to me. I figure, eventually, they will die, and I will have years and years of Reader's Digest subscriptions to remember them by.

77. Do you sing in the car?
Yes.

78. Would you rather jump into a dumpster or into a vat of honey?
Ugh, neither. The dumpster, probably, though, because I could wash it off easier, and chances are I'd land on TOP of stuff and not IN it.

79. What is your favorite breed of dog?
This is a tough question. I like border collies a lot. But they are impractical where I live because of stickers -- short hair makes more sense.

80. Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter?
You mean wild animals? Um, no. Animals would all have died off thousands of years ago if God had not given them their own mechanisms for surviving winters. Although I'm not opposed to feeding birds and stuff, don't get me wrong.

81. If you were a bicycle, would you be a stingray or a mountain bike?
I don't know what a stingray is.

82. What is your least favorite fruit?
Raisins.

83. What kind of fruit have you never had?
I live in California; I think I have probably had most kinds at one time or another.

84. If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick?
Barnes and Noble. Woo hoo!

85. What brand sports apparel do you wear the most?
Um, I don't wear sports apparel.

86. Are/were you a good student?
I was smart but I lacked study skills. So no.

87. Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat?
Most of them. I'm a pretty bulky, muscular, ox-like, low-maintenance person, and most of them were skinnier and smaller than me, even some of the boys.

88. If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in?
The Marines, and I'd be in the band. (I thought about doing this).

89. Would you ever parachute out of a plane?
Only if necessary, never for fun.

90. What do you think is your best feature?
My eyebrows.

91. If you were to win a Grammy, what kind of music would it be for?
It would be a special award for saving the world from undue pain by never singing alone in a public place, I'm sure. Although I do decently in a choir.

92. What is your favorite season?
Early spring -- say, like February, when narcissus are coming up and the grass is green but it's still chilly. But I like crisp autumn days and foggy days and snowy winter days and pouring rainy days as well. Basically anytime that's not summer.

93. How many members do you have in your immediate family?
4 living.

94. Which of the five senses is most important to you?
I hate this question. I can never just choose one. As far as what would require the most difficult adjustment if I had to learn to live without it, probably sight. But never to hear Vivaldi again... ack.

95. Would you be a more successful painter or singer?
Singer, marginally, but I wouldn't ever actually be a success at either. Unless I could get away with painting houses, at which I'm no better or worse than the average person.

97. How many years will/did you end up going to college?
Zero. None. Zilch. I imagine I'll spend years at it when I do it though, going just at night for a long time before the kids cease to need me during the days at which time I hope to go full-time.

98. Have you ever had surgery?
Three c-sections and a tonsillectomy (not in that order).

99. Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player?
Figure skater. But considering that I have a hard time walking across my living room without breaking my toes (literally), it's never gonna happen.

100. What do you like to collect?
Turtles (not live ones), bookmarks, and books.