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Wednesday, December 10, 2003

We're in the money

We got something in the mail today from "Check Processing Center" -- a generic-looking envelope; I was almost sure it was going to be yet another junk-mail-disguised-as-something-important-in-a-spammish-attempt-to-make-you-open-it-instead-of-throwing-it-out-on-the-way-out-of-the-post-office scam (dang, I know I do a lot of those hyphenated adjective phrases, but that has GOT to be a record, even for me. Thought about switching to quotes halfway through but I'd have had to go back and change all the hyphens to spaces and I didn't have the energy. Yet I had the energy for a six-line parenthetical statement. Never said I was logical. Well, yes, actually, I have said that, come to think of it. Shut up, Rachel.). Yet it (what? oh yes, the envelope. I was talking about mail) turned out to actually contain a real honest-to-goodness check. Yessir, we are in the money; all our worries are over; we have been a member of the winning party in a class-action lawsuit against a credit-card company, to the tune of... drumroll please...

seventy-four cents.

Why even BOTHER? Why? Seventy-four CENTS? Sheesh, just the absurdity of cashing or depositing a check like that will probably prevent me from doing so. Can you picture it at the credit union? Maybe I'll add a penny so I can get it in quarters and let the kids put them in a candy machine.


no, I won't, I think I'll just be one of the thousands of people who screw up the lawyers' accounting by tossing it in the woodstove.

Also, in other news, did you hear about the global warming on Mars? Next thing you know they'll be finding SUVs and industrial complexes there, since those, like, cause global warming, right? Oh, wait, Mars is just having a cyclic climate change. Earth stopped having those at the beginning of the Industrial Revolution. I forgot. Otherwise a whole lot of environmentalists could be out of a job.

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