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Wednesday, October 27, 2004
more answers to questions
This is the second entry today with answers to the question "meme"; don't miss the first one.
Some GREAT questions from Paula:
Do you think your kids would be as well off if it were your husband instead of you home with them, assuming you were making as good a wage?
I think they are maybe marginally better off with me home. Mostly, a role reversal would just make their lives different, not necessarily better or worse. But I think our family is better off overall with me the one at home, and T the one at work. Hey, if we could have it any way we wanted it, both their parents would be home all day. Not a lot of work for a telecommuting dad around here, though.
If not, is it a matter of gender or just who would be better at child-rearing and home-schooling? (Because both certainly take talent to do well.)
Well, initially it was definitely a gender issue, because I was the one with the breasts. ;-) Nowadays, well, we each have different strengths. I am more patient, and am more inclined to accept that kids are kids and not to expect them to behave like little adults. I am perhaps better at breaking things down to teach them, although chances are he'd do fine at that, he's just never been tried. I have less of a tendency to expect them to catch on to academic concepts as soon as they're presented the very first time. He, on the other hand, is more organized than I am, and tidier, and probably more attentive, because he's less trusting that the kids are OK left alone for longish periods. It would certainly be an interesting learning experience for both of us to switch roles for a while.
As far as why we don't do it, well, that's more complicated. The simple answer is, we do it this way because the status quo works and why fix it if it's not broken. Also, the fact is that I probably am a LITTLE better-suited to the homeschooling aspects of raising them, because of the patience thing. And he is better at "regular" jobs than I am. I've done "9-5" in a variety of occupations, and I will again someday I'm sure, but if it's one of us going to work and the other not, he's the one to go, because he's better at taking criticism and dealing with the sort of interpersonal stress one encounters in a workplace without getting trembly. Also, husband working/wife tending the home is the Biblical pattern, which is important to us, and it's more suited to our inherent natures. It's not that he's not nurturing, because he is; he's a fantastic and loving father who is seriously emotionally invested in his kids. But he is also tougher and more aggressive than me, which is important in a work environment, and I, as I said, am more patient, which is good for someone who's going to be the sole caregiver for kids. And I'm a better cook. ;-)
None of this is to say that if circumstances changed in some way, we would not roll with the punches and switch roles. I've thought about doing it for a few years just to help T have a little more freedom to find a job that he LOVES rather than one that he tolerates and at which he is competent. But again with the status quo thing -- it's hard to just step out and do that.
Did you have to decide if you wanted kids or was it something you always knew and never questioned?
I have always, always wanted kids. I never ever went through a period when I didn't. I used to pretend I was "having a baby" with my dolls, when I was like three. For a while when I was in high school I decided that I wanted to be a single mom -- didn't want to marry or live with anyone, but still I wanted the kids. My husband also wanted kids as soon as he was mature enough to think about it seriously, and never had to be convinced. When we were first married he wanted to wait a couple years and I didn't, so we compromised and waited one year. :)
