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Monday, January 17, 2005
trying to keep that nasty pit-of-the-stomach feeling away
I think Molly is really, really gone, as there was still no sign of her today. And to top things off, now we haven't seen Mary in a couple of hours; she went outside and hasn't come back in yet. My usual anticipatory worrying has begun -- if both our cats are gone, will we get new cats right away, or in the spring when it's kitten season, or never? We don't like keeping cats cooped up indoors for a variety of reasons, but if we're going to get attached to them and then have them get eaten by predators or killed on the highway or what have you, is it worth having them in the first place? And then I try to laugh at myself for borrowing trouble when it's probably just that Mary's having a little moonlit (and platonic, since she's spayed, right?) tryst with her buddy Max/Maxine (we can't tell; s/he never lifts his/her tail), the local feral cat. But I can't laugh. I'm not despondent; I know the difference between pets and people and I'm maintaining perspective. But even losing a pet is painful. And losing two in one weekend would be just downright depressing.
In other news: I reported in the 1001 Days journal about the progress with the paint job. T seems to have been inspired by my decision to actually do a project that we've been planning on doing for somewhere in the neighborhood of six months, and he started sandblasting on his Charger today (the blue-tarp sandblasting tent has only been set up for, hmm, three or four months now). Or maybe he was just trying to keep his mind occupied, like someone else I know. As soon as I stop the aimless rambling typing the yucky feeling comes back to the pit of my stomach. I think I'll go take a shower and then read for a bit (nothing like reading about the Reign of Terror for that "maintaining perspective" thing) before I try to fall asleep.
