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Saturday, April 09, 2005
big decisions
I'm going to the hospital on Thursday to have surgery. As if it weren't hard enough to make a decision on the scale of the one I had to make to arrive at that point, now that it IS decided, I face what is possibly an even bigger quandary:
What the heck am I going to bring to read?
So far I have in my stack: Anne of the Island. A Shakespeare omnibus edition, Four Comedies, which includes Twelfth Night, A Midsummer Night's Dream, The Taming of the Shrew, and The Merchant of Venice. The ancient hardcover edition of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn that I bought at the Salvation Army thrift store a couple of weeks ago (possibly the most serendipitous purchase I've made in years; I have wanted this book for a long, long time, and this is a nice old edition without any modern soft-focus art on the cover, and that's exactly what this book SHOULD be. And I got it for fifty cents). I also have my bound paper journal, which I haven't written in since last fall, and of course I'll be bringing my Bible; maybe I'll study Romans in addition to my daily reading, where I'm in Joshua.
It's not like I plan to read ALL of these. I just want a variety to choose from, because who knows what my mood will be? And -- here's the scary thought -- I really don't want to be down there in the hospital, alone and in pain at eleven o'clock at night, and suddenly think of the ONE book I REALLY want to read, and have it not be with me. I wonder if I could have the surgery at home. You think? Then we'd at least be just down the street from the library... T wouldn't mind a little library outing, would he?...
Anyone have suggestions? I'm open to them, as long as they leave room in my bag for my stuffed Grover, who has been through a lot of hospital hours with me.
I hadn't planned to post this initially; I was going to keep it all lighthearted, but, well, here are some of the worries I keep giving to God and then snatching back from Him, in case you were, you know, fresh out of things to pray for:
- Pain. There will be a lot of pain, this I know.
- Loneliness. I am not really accustomed to sitting alone in a hospital room from the end of visiting hours to the beginning of visiting hours the next day.
- Coming out of the anesthetic. I'm not worried that I won't; I'm OK with that. It's just that -- well, I'm sure there must be a more miserable physical sensation than coming out of a drugged sleep into debilitating pain, but I've never had to deal with it, and, well, I feel wimpy right now.
- Having to explain to the entire world why I'm having a hysterectomy at thirty, or else having everyone think I'm trying to keep some deep dark secret if I just say "I've had surgery." I know, I know. None of anyone's business, and I worry too much what people think. But there it is. Here's a short synopsis of "why", since I know if I don't do this I'll have to do it in the comments anyway. I hope it's not TMI; just in case, you might skip to the next bullet if you're squeamish and/or male. Adenomyosis (basically low-grade endometriosis) --> really horrific, um, well, girl stuff --> severe anemia --> exacerbation of supraventricular tachycardia --> weakened heart, possible severe heart problems later. And over all of that is a family history that makes my gynecologist's pen nearly catch on fire from scribbling notes anytime I have to remind him of it. So.
- The possibility that I will be coming home to an utter disaster area. This is not very likely; T is nicer than that. But I know how things can get away from a person.
- Getting a roommate who wants the TV on all the time. Oh please, no. Please. ;)
