Going through the same thing, Rachel!! Know EXACTLY what you are feeling right now! Love you much!! Will be doing the same thing in the morning as you are! Fun Fun! =)

DUDE. Remember when I was telling you about my terribly bad mood? How everything seemed to be going wrong? How I felt like I was going to chew the skin around my finger nails off? Well, I didn't go that far, but dude.

Last week I fought with just about everyone I know. People were either complaining that I wasn't paying enough attention to them, I was being insensitive, you name it. I was THE BAD GIRL. Public enemy number one. Nothing I did was good enough for anyone. It was like I was cursed! I couldn't understand it.

I felt like everytime I took one step forward, I would take three steps back. I was trudging along.

My apartment is so disgusting right now. I went through a boycot. Nobody wants to clean up after themselves? Lets see if someone wants to lift a finger when the apartment smells like rotten eggs and there's an inch of cat sand tracked along the carpet and the toilet is gross and etc, etc. Did it make a difference? NOPE.

So, I've decided that starting tomorrow night when I get home from work I must go where nobody I live with will go and that is into cleaning mode. (I mustn't be too harsh, my husband does take out the trash and wash dishes once in a while. He'll clean the toilet if I beg him too).

The fact of the matter is, I was being a baby. I KNEW nobody would do anything, yet I tried to prove some sort of childish point and all it did was create an even bigger mess for me to clean up.

I have to face the music. I have to work full time, cook dinner, take care of my husband, clean up after him and my brother and whatever else anyone cries out for help with. I can't fight it anymore. Now, if only I can just get some energy to do it all without feeling like I am going to totally collapse.

So sad, when I was my brother's age, I worked three jobs and went to school full time...What happened to me? I'm getting older and I really need to start taking better care of myself. I'm turning 30 this year and that's not good either.

Well, sorry for totally stealing your comments section here. This is something I should have blogged about. I guess I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone and I fully understand how you feel. We are going to have so much fun next week! I can't wait!

Well, I hate to sound sympathetic, but that sounds so EXACTLY like me that I had to comment. (I don't IM though.)

I can't tell you how many books and websites about organization I've read. My problem is not finding a system that works, it's working the system I've found.

Two of my closest friends are natural organizers--their homes are always company-ready. I have the same thoughts that you have--what's wrong with me that I either can't do or can only do with great effort the things that other people do with such ease and naturalness? I don't know.

I've tried to pray my way to change and wish my way to change and enlist others to pray for me to change...I can never sustain it.

So, I sympathize. Rejoice (I tell myself and now you) in WHO YOU ARE AT THIS TIME. God is not through with you yet (or else you wouldn't still be here.) I check your site every day because your photography and your writing inspire me. Maybe that's worth as much as a clean house--to touch people's lives every day in a positive way.

Don't negate the praise and positive comments people give you by saying, "Yes, but I don't ..." Life is not all about being organized and keeping your house clean.

I'll say a prayer for you today. Have a good one!

anger at my total inability to do what it seems like every other person on the planet can do just fine

Wow, you hit the nail on the head with that one. I feel the same way sometimes. But you know what? It's not true -- we are all in the same boat. You just can't see the piles of Christmas decorations in my living room right now. It makes me shudder to just think about it.

After we moved here (and after I moved to CA) I didn't have a job. So you would think that the house would be nice and clean and tidy and all that. You would be wrong. I just couldn't bring myself to care. And then I felt like there were EXPECTATIONS on me to have it neat and clean and tidy and I rebelled against THAT and read books instead (even walked to the library!).

So no words of wisdom here (and Flylady can take a flying leap off a big building), just commiseration.

Hah! "better bored than utterly and completely insane, right?" That's exactly the question I'm struggling with, only I hadn't phrased it in quite those terms. Hmm.

Diane and Mary are so right! And funny! It is true, Rachel...I to check your site daily...Often multiple times a day because you inspire me. I write and take pictures too and you know how picky I am and I still look up to you in both respects even though I've been doing both longer! That should tell you something! I know you shouldn't (Just as I shouldn't) let our hobbies get in the way of our responsibility to our families and our homes but just remember that God has given you the gift for those outlets and to turn away from them is to snub God. It really is crazy, I know! I mean one day I get everything done...Cleaning, laundry, car wash, dinner, s e x AND writing and photography and then other days, I sit in one spot and just do nothing all. day. long. Anyway, sorry again for rambling...I was just going to say I liked what your other commenters wrote and then move on...

Thanks, Jenn, for liking my comments! I was totally agreeing with what you said, too, about trying to prove a point and the only one it bothers is yourself. Wow, have I been THERE.

One more thing I wanted to add is that somewhere, I have heard this syndrome referred to as CHAOS -- "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome". Ha!

(((Rachel)))

Rachel, I echo everyone else's sentiments. Your blog is one of my favorites because you are so unpretentious and real and I can relate to you in so many ways (except you are far more eloquent than I!). And because I know how you're feeling--you described me to a T--I will say a prayer that God helps you to find a balance. The man who fears God will avoid all extremes.

Off topic, but today I was slicing kiwi for my kids, I couldn't help but notice how gorgeous the fruit is, and my next thought was I wonder if Rachel has ever photographed a kiwi fruit. (yes total strangers think of you while making lunch for their kids LOL) I looked around but couldn't find any on your site. If you're ever running low on material.... :-)