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Tuesday, September 05, 2006
dream analysis 101 followed by a wacko introspective about housework
What does it mean if I have had a week of very memorable dreams, all involving either a) world-scale disasters such as nuclear war and comet collisions, b) massive failures in various attempts at important tasks due to my blistering inadequacy at, say, walking, or c) both?
Oh yes. It means today's the first day of school.
********************************
update:
School went fine. Everyone was quite cooperative and so it took less time than I thought it might and actual learning took place. Oh, that's nice, Rachel, you might be saying. Then why is it that your hair is standing on end and your chest feels tight and you want to run far away into the hills? Ah. Well. That'd be because of room-cleaning time.
We give ourselves a bit of a problem in this area, I admit. Well, really, we (T and I) give me a bit of a problem, since I'm the one who has to deal with it on a daily basis and he is not. On the one hand, we can't just bring ourselves to be the bohemian, tie-dyed, parents-are-pals kind of parents who tell their kids, "I don't care how messy it is, just keep the door closed," for several reasons: First, we have to traverse their rooms to get to the laundry room and to the clothesline, and LT has to get through C's room to get to his. Second, how do those parents deal with it when it's time to go somewhere and the child can't find a single thing he or she needs, from socks on up? Third, well, we're just not that bohemian, I guess. We're school-at-home types too. Oh. That kind of parents. Yeah.
On the other hand, though, I refuse -- I patently refuse -- to clean their rooms, especially C's, or even to help her clean it, because it makes me absolutely bananas, even more bananas than I am at this present moment and that's pretty darn bananas to tell the truth, to do the work of cleaning with or for her only to have the room be an utter disaster area again within 48 hours. I am Not A Good Mommy when this happens.
So this leaves us requiring the kids to clean their own rooms. LT is not so bad at this nowadays. He's finally figured out that it's a job he has to do and the quicker he gets going and gets it done, the sooner it'll be behind him. C, on the other hand, will cheerily spend all day -- literally all day -- in her room, supposedly cleaning it and then weeping remorsefully every time she gets scolded and/or punished for not doing so. This makes me absolutely insane. Do you ever feel like having your head explode would be so, so nice, not because you want to die -- that would, indeed, be an unfortunate side effect -- but because the release of pressure would feel so, so good? You don't? Do you... have kids? Oh. Must be just me then. Because I feel this way every time it's time for C to clean her room.
And we've tried so many things. We've tried rewarding her for keeping it clean. We've tried racing her to get it clean (against, say, me folding all my clean laundry) and whoever wins gets a prize. We've tried keeping it lighthearted. We've tried spanking. We've tried taking away privileges (there have been times where she was on computer restriction for three or four weeks at a time, all as the result of one particularly nasty bedroom-cleaning incident). We've tried taking away cherished possessions for various lengths of time. I yell. I explain. I rave. The only things that have ever worked are:
1) T or I stand in her room and tell her what to pick up, continually reminding her to move along and not dawdle, until her room is finally clean. (see above re: wreck in 48 hours and I Am Not A Good Mommy, etc)
or
2) She has to clean it every day before she can do anything fun at all whatsoever. Even reading.
Number Two actually lasted for maybe a month last spring. The difficulty with it is that things intervene -- school, a necessary trip somewhere, whatever -- and before you know it three days' worth of mess have piled up and you're back to square one.
Complicating this whole thing is the simple fact that I am not a good example. Sometimes, in fact, I feel like a complete hypocrite, going ballistic at her for stalling and dawdling when my bedroom looks like a clothing tornado went through it and I have four baskets heaped up with clean unfolded laundry sitting in the living room. I rationalize by saying that I'm trying to teach her good habits so that she won't end up like me. Except maybe I should spend the same effort teaching myself good habits, so that I can stop ending up like me. Hmm.
Comments
And how did your first day of school go?????
Posted by: debi at September 5, 2006 01:52 PM
Yay! Good luck and have fun! I want to hear all about it tonight if you get a chance...I have to work until seven, blech :-(
Posted by: jenn at September 5, 2006 02:30 PM
I know what you mean! I am in the same boat. I am trying to get my habits better so I can teach them. but dang!! why does it have to be SOOOo hard to do?????
Posted by: debi at September 5, 2006 04:32 PM
But now I am in trouble in the cleaning area. I promised my dh I would COMPLETELY clean our room and closet for a little bit of Target card money, which I spent, now I have the cleaning to do. was it worth it you ask??? NO!! Well, maybe... but not really. =)
Posted by: debi at September 5, 2006 04:35 PM
Doood. How on Earth could a child grow up into a responsible, CLEAN adult if mommy cleans up after them all the time? There is nothing bohemian about allowing your children to be slobs. When I was growing up, my stepdad used to come wake us up in the middle of the night and state that we were having a "G.I." party. Yep, that's right. Not that he was ever in the military. He just thought it made him feel important or something. So yeah, we pretty much HAD to make sure everything was clean all the time or we got our stuff thrown away. I think there's definitely a middle ground in there somewhere between that and just ignoring the mess. I think you do just fine. Love you and I'm glad school went well. Come say hi if you're not too tired :-)
Posted by: Jenn at September 5, 2006 07:34 PM
Well, I don't have kids myself, and I don't know if this is any good at all, so this advice is worth exactly what you paid for it.
That said, I know that FlyLady has recently made a control journal for kids. It breaks up their room into zones (bed, desk, drawers etc. I'd assume), and thus makes it managable to clean a little bit at a time. I remember from being a kid myself that one of the problems with cleaning my room was that I'd get overwhelmed when trying to tackle the entire room at once. If I split it up into zones and just took a bit at a time it went easier.
Well... I know it worked for me, but C may be a completely different kettle of fish. Still, I thought it was worth mentioning. If you want to take a look at the Control Journal for kids, you can find it at http://www.flylady.net
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