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Wednesday, August 15, 2007
stuff
I've been under a lot of stress since the whole we-have-to-move thing got dropped in our laps. I realized the other day that this is a new experience for me, this waiting for someone else to make decisions that will impact my life in a very big way. The last time this happened was when I was applying for colleges. In 1993. In my adult life, I've never had to move house; I've not applied for jobs and waited for calls for interviews; I've not even applied for credit when there was any doubt that it would be approved. So this whole issue of waiting (and waiting and waiting) for other people, who don't know me from Adam and couldn't care less if I lived or died, to get themselves together and make a decision that will alter my life in a very serious way, is taking its toll on me. I have had some up-and-down days lately, and I've been lying low about it around here because if I'm tired of my own whining that I know nobody else wants to hear it, but actually some of the days, the 'down' bits of up-and-down have been almost kind of scary.
So it was nice to go to school tonight for the first time since May and have a really good time. Small blessings, and all. Even though I got to my car after class and saw that I'd left my headlights on (car started fine). Even though I got pulled over on the way home because the officer said I was weaving and thought I might be under the influence. (Yep, that's me, under the influence of a diet Coke and a Beatles song combined with the fact that a 35-year-old car has a steering box that is a wee bit more relaxed than the ones they come out with today.) Even though the instructor for the class I'm taking has a reputation as a really hard grader. Even though I get to spend the semester reading books about the working poor with a decidedly liberal slant, and even though I'm a tiny bit afraid of getting graded down for my opinions rather than my writing skills. Honestly, with the kind of day I had, I could have been going to a dental appointment followed by a trip to the gynecologist, a swimsuit-shopping expedition, and a tour of a dairy farm, and it would have been a pleasant change from the breakdown-inducing difficulties I had with my kids today, just over whether or not their chores would get done. Well, with one of them.
Oops, there's that whining I wasn't going to do.
So. It's good to be back at school. Tomorrow I have another class -- something else to look forward to, that will help pass the time while we wait for house news. I wonder if it's too late to sign up for about thirty more units?
Comments
They are still "deciding"? This is indeed stressful and I can't blame you for being down. It wears on you.
Your alternate day of dentist-gyn-swimsuit really puts it in perspective. That is one cruddy day.
Yay for school -- what is your other class? I hope your professor is open-minded enough to just grade you on your writing and not on your opinions. Unfortunately, as I am sure you are aware, professors tend to be a little left-leaning (to put it mildly). Gah. Enjoy your classes!
Posted by: mary at August 15, 2007 06:51 AM
It does seem like they're really dragging this out!
If you decide against writing because you simply don't feel like it, then by all means, don't! But I'm sure that everyone here will be happy to lend a friendly ear to any "whining" you want to do.
I hope that soon you won't have anything to "whine" *about*. :o) In the meantime, yay for distractions. (If the instructor is a hard grader, maybe at least that will mean that s/he takes the job too seriously to allow opinions to affect grades. We can hope!)
Posted by: Michael at August 15, 2007 09:51 AM
Rachel...I don't blame you for being stressed. I just wanted to remind you your life is in God's hands...not the hands of these people who "don't care if you live or die". Be encouraged, because God cares very much about the outcome of this, and about your family's future. He directs the hearts of kings, and will surely direct the hearts of the people you are waiting on. I don't say this to trivialize (sp?) your stress, but in hopes of encouraging you.
hugs
Posted by: Denise at August 15, 2007 09:58 PM
I am so sorry you still have to wait. This sucks so bad. Don't feel bad about complaining. It feels so good to get it out, doesn't it? Better than holding it all inside and giving yourself an ulcer because you're afraid you're bringing people down.
As for the left leaning professors and liberal books...Hey, you never know - you might learn something valuable and you can always imagine there's a crazy commie chicken up there bocking and pecking at the blackboard. ;-) Hee, hee...I love inside jokes!
Posted by: jennifer at August 15, 2007 11:15 PM
