I think that all kids will experience that kind of teasing at some point in their life. What matters is how it's handled by everybody involved. I was teased mercilessly in school from age 12-14 and nobody ever did anything. I honestly don't remember if I ever told my parents until it was long over, but the teachers knew and did nothing. I'm pretty sure that for your kids to know that people of authority stand up for them will make all the difference.

Coincidentally, I read this post immediately after this one. (Her middle daughter is adopted from China and has PTSD issues they're still finding out about; her stepson was dumped by his mother on her parents, who spoiled him rotten until the father and stepmother were able to get custody.) I suspect one of the hardest parts about parenting has got to be dealing with your kids' problems in a way that's about them rather than about you. Though this sort of thing has got to suck for all concerned.

I'm sorry your kids are being singled out like that. Obviously I have no "mom-type" experience-- only memories from my own childhood-- and those are from both sides of the coin. I've been teased /taunted before, but I've also been one of those kids who-- though I didn't actively torment the other kid-- just stood by while he was ignored and /or talked about with disgust. It doesn't justify it, but I was afraid that defending him would make them target me, too. On the other hand, my best friend in sixth grade wasn't at all popular, and by being her best friend, I lost some "social standing", too...

Anyway, like you say, you can't really protect your children from mean kids forever-- or even if you can keep them away from mean kids, they'll probably have to deal with mean *people* sooner or later. (People always talk about how "kids can be so cruel". Yeah, they can, but so can adults!)

Maybe things will improve with a little more time. I'd say that you're good as long as your kids know that they can come to you with any problems they're having and can trust you to protect them (in this case, keep them away from the mean kids). If they're acting like they really don't want to go to the study/playdate, I'd reconsider, but if they're ok, it must not be bothering them too much.

Maybe it would help if they could bring along a good friend one day-- someone they (and you) could count on to stick by them. I don't know if the "rules" would allow that, but it's a thought. It might deter the others from singling them out, and it would provide a built-in playmate, even if the other kids insisted on being mean.

Phew! Sorry for the rambling comment!

Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't have much terribly helpful to say, but I can definitely relate. Maybe when they are less new they will find their places in the group, or at least a few good friends to hang out with.

This is painfully familiar.... I remember when this sort of thing used to happen to me, and my parents' advice was, 'Laugh it off! Don't let the words/actions hurt you.' The thing is, this doesn't stop bullying, even the mildest forms. I guess the main thing you can do for your kids is to teach them resilience. You also need to teach them how to 'fight back' - not literally, but how to hang onto their sense of self and identity, and not to let the words and actions of others take that away from them. In my years of teaching I have seen that it is the kids who are strong who immediately squash any kind of intimidation. It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. :) I used to slink off and cry... but it is the kids who yell back or stand up for themselves who stop getting picked on.

I loathe and despise this kind of thing, but I am so thankful now that I know a Father who can help this to be overcome. Praying for you and yours.

Valerie

Sorry, previous comment was me, and I don't know why the link didn't show but it's yesterday's entry at mimiboo dot net.

I'm very, very sorry that your kids (and you) have dealt with this. I, too, as a homeschooling mom with children ranging from 5 to 18 have seen this nastiness, but mostly inflicted by little girls who have already established their inner circle and, in very ugly ways, make that clear to my daughters. I constantly wonder what we've done wrong and often want to scratch these girls' eyes out, but I also wonder why their parents don't see and address it. In the interim, I guess I just try to raise my kiddos to accept others and be kind, to never treat people "that way." I hope it works.

I would be heartbroken, too, Rachel. {{Hugs}}

Remember when we were kids: "Sticks and stones can break your bones, but names will never hurt you". Like you, the kids will grow into adults and learn how to deal with judgmental people. You and I know why these kids would tease other kids. Same as the ones who would torment you. Imagine the lack of love and security they receive in their own homes. Your kids have all the love in the world and good values set forth before them; as did you. Let them learn now the reality of the world now while they are young enough for you to train that those ways of action are never ok. If you remind the kids that they are in charge of their feelings; they can't get hurt.
Shea

Well, it looks like everyone has great advice here! At least your kids don't have to go to school with them. When I was little I had absolutely no friends. Even the girl who was supposed to be my "best friend" was totally two-faced. I was not only badly picked on (I was the Hairy Snooper, because I wasn't allowed to shave and I was a little nosey) but I was beat up all the time too.

My mother was my champion. She was constantly threatening kid's parents and going to the school to yell at the principal for allowing these things to go on. Even though her tactics worked...After one head was chopped off another one would grow in it's place.

The point is, we all have dealt with this kind of abuse as children in some way and most of us have grown up OK. I love you!

I forgot to add, I think one important thing (And you know I have no kids so you can tell me to shut up if I don't know what I'm talking about) is to teach your kids not to hold onto anger and hatred towards those who picked on them. That anger doesn't hurt anyone but the one carrying it around. When I was in grammar school there was this girl who kept threatening to beat me up. I can't remember the reason but I lived in fear. My mom suggested I do something nice for her. Show her I can be her friend, someone to be on her side. I did and the girl changed her mind and became something of a body guard for me (I was always being beaten up) for a few months until she moved away.