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Saturday, May 17, 2008

I knew it would tick me off...

...but I didn't know it would tick me off this much.

We were casting around for something to do for me for a belated Mother's Day, and I hit upon the idea of going to dinner and to watch Prince Caspian, even though I had guessed from the trailer that it would not be an entirely relaxing experience for me. Little did I know.

As usual (this is a common theme in my reviews of film adaptations of beloved novels), if there had never been a C.S. Lewis, and he had never written a charming and inspiring series of novels about a group of four ordinary British children who staunchly face down frightening odds with the help of a God-figure, then this would have been a fine movie. The effects are quite good, acting is fine, casting is great, costumes are lovely, etc. etc. etc. But there was a C.S. Lewis, and if people actually turned over in their graves, the poor man would be rotating at an alarming rate right now. A lot of people don't mind changes in the story as long as the idea is the same, but I would be surprised if even those people can appreciate this adaptation, since what the writers did was skin and gut the story completely and then fill out the bare remnants of its distorted skeleton with something that was barely even remotely related to what had been there before. I've had people defend way-out adaptations to me by saying that the original book is still intact and I can always go back and read it again if I want. This is true, but it doesn't excuse this kind of flagrant rip-off for me, for two reasons: First, it's an insult to the author. The screenwriters and directors in effect said to Lewis, "Hey, old chap, you wrote a jolly good story but it just won't sell in today's market, so we're going to tweak it a bit, you know? Make it more like those Lord of the Whatayacallit movies that made so much bank a few years back." Second, there are going to be thousands and thousands of kids who see the movies first, and instead of being drawn to the books by them, they're going to find that the books are much less action-adventurish and also there's this whole religion angle, and those same kids who might have given the books a chance and learned to love them probably won't get past the second chapter because of the expectations they had going in.

I don't even know where to begin. Well, I may as well start with a disclaimer: I am about to spoil the living daylights out of this movie. If that bothers you, stop after this paragraph and come back after you've seen the movie. I mean, if you've read the book, you might think that there aren't any large-scale details I could give away that you wouldn't already know... but you would be very wrong. Yes, people, it was that bad. I'm going to leave out little unimportant stuff like the fact that they emerge in Narnia on the beach instead of in a thicket (actually, there is no thicket on the island) and the fact that they rushed the first few chapters of the book so terribly that they completely neglected to have the children come up with an explanation for why the Narnia they had known a year ago had aged by a thousand years.

The London scenes at the beginning are bizarre. Peter... getting in fistfights? Because... he used to be a king and people should... respect him more? Or... kings don't walk away from fights? Or something.

Also, as everyone noticed in the trailer, Caspian looked to be about five or ten years too old (IMO, Peter and Susan were too old as well), and as Paula pointed out (she said it -- I didn't), Caspian is "not supposed to be that hot". Except he had to be for this film, so that he could be a love interest for Susan. Yes, you read that right. THERE IS A KISS. (My son covered his eyes.)

Caspian blows the horn before the badger and the dwarves take him into their house. Also, Trumpkin doesn't go off looking for the kings and queens; he gets himself captured by Miraz's army as they chase after Caspian who has barely escaped (by a matter of seconds) the henchmen who were coming to kill him in his bed, in a very LOTR-ish killing-a-person-in-bed-who-turns-out-not-to-be-there moment.

The Narnians storm Miraz' castle in a very long (LOTR-ish) battle segment. Because Peter says they need to strike out on their own, because they've waited too long for Aslan.

Peter and Caspian draw swords on each other at least twice and spend a lot of time sniping at each other. It's those rampant teenage hormones, see.

During the consultation around the Stone Table with the Hag and the Werewolf -- where Edmund, Peter, and Susan are present -- the White Witch appears as the result of an incantation, encased in ice, and very hokily demands a drop of Adam's blood to bring her back to life.

The bit where Lucy walks away from the sleeping group at dawn and meets up with Aslan and sees the tree people move? It's beautifully done. I actually was thinking that it was going to be the one part that really clung to the original, until it turned out to be a dream. In fact, nobody actually sees Aslan until Peter is in the middle of the fight with Miraz, and that's because Lucy and Susan take off into the woods alone on Caspian's horse to look for him, only Susan stops to fight off attackers (she really likes to hit people with her bow; it must be a very strong one, and she's got a heck of an arm) and has to get rescued (flutter eyelashes) by Caspian while Lucy goes on alone. Aslan and Lucy finally show up together just before the water god wakes up and destroys the (newly-built for the battle) bridge with Miraz's army on it, after another LOTR-ish battle scene complete with giant trebuchets.

Good moments: Um. The sword battle with Miraz, and what leads up to it, are pretty good, except that they're filmed in that modernish jerky kind of way, which seems out of place in among all the lush (LOTR-ish) cinematography. The attack of the tree people was interestingly done. Reepicheep was well-animated, although he was more smartass than valiant warrior and I found his voice to be too deep. And oh, yes: Regina Spektor sings the first song in the closing credits. Still, overall, that is $35.50 and two hours of my life that I'll never get back. At least we didn't buy any popcorn. Now please excuse me while I stay up all night curled up with the book, to get the taste of that film out of my mouth.

Comments

Posted by: Maria at May 17, 2008 11:08 PM

Posted by: Jenn at May 19, 2008 01:03 PM

Posted by: Kristen at May 19, 2008 07:54 PM

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