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Monday, March 14, 2005

jam, man, jam

You might be a homeschooler if:

• Your eight-year-old son gets in an argument with his sister and you overhear him saying, "Well, so be it. If that's the way you want to be..."
• The "carrot on the stick" at the end of the schoolday (for you AND the kids) is the promise of getting to make a soil/sand/soil parfait in a jar, and add worms, to see what happens.
• Your children know far more about Jane Austen and astronomy than they do about Pokemon or Saturday-morning cartoons.
• Your child sees a TV commercial for the first time at the age of five and asks you to make it stop.
• Your kids love Ramona Quimby, but they can't identify with her because she spends so much time at school.
• Your child asks you to turn off your music while he does his math, as it is "a great distraction."
• You leave the children with your husband to go to the doctor and run errands, and continually look around you, freaking out because you can't help feeling you've forgotten them somewhere.
• You no longer even know what kind of shoes are "cool".
• You forget that most people can't just take off for a family vacation without waiting for a school holiday.
• You're so used to people thinking you're some kind of freak that you don't even think about it anymore.

P.S. Kristen, I bet you thought I wouldn't do it.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Well, it could be worse...

So far today I have:

• Been awakened at 7:50 by the sun hitting the wall in my white bedroom. (I love this, it's the best way in the world to wake up)
• Been summoned to LT's room at 7:51 because he had a bloody nose. (again.)
• CLEANED MY ROOM. Big letters because it was a BIG job. With the kids sitting on my bed much of the time, doing schoolwork and/or reading. (and yes, I made a movie)
• Read Matthew 20-22 (including the parable of the vineyard workers, which, if I had to choose ONE, would be the parable which finds the most daily application in my life. What's yours?) while eating peanut butter toast and drinking a glass of milk for breakfast.
• Taken my asterisk-asterisk-asterisk iron pill. And hence, burped several different flavors of rust.
• Listened to LT sob for the past half hour because -- CRUEL mom/teacher that I am -- I told him that I love his story (about, um, a deer that got sick when it ate a mole, hey, he's an eight-year-old boy, what do you expect?), but he needs to rewrite it neatly.

As you can see, the tenor of my day has gone sloooowly downhill. Here's hoping this trend reverses before I reach the run-for-the-hills-waving-my-arms-wildly stage...

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

The kind of morning moms dream of

Well, some kind of moms, anyway.

The community chorus* had a rehearsal with the high school choruses this morning, since we are performing with them for a couple of songs at their concert this Thursday. I took the kids with me (obviously), and sat them in a couple of auditorium chairs with their schoolwork while I stood with a bunch of girls who were BABIES when I was their age and practiced singing. And here's the good part: those two angels (they're angels this morning, anyway ;) sat there quietly for the entire hour and did their work without giving me even a single smidge of regret for having had to bring them.

I'm writing this down so that the next time I feel like I am useless as a parent and my kids will have me in the asylum within fifteen minutes, I can read it, and hope. ;-)

*I don't get out much. The community chorus and church and Awana and Bible study, that's pretty much it. The chorus is the only one of those things that I do on my own, without the rest of the family, so it is pretty much the extent of my adult social exposure. So you'll probably hear about it a lot. Maybe I should put a picture of it in the sidebar.

By the way, I've been doing my reading every day. (pats self on back). I am using a modified version of a through-the-Bible-in-a-year plan that divides the days up into The Law, History, Prophecy, etc. Instead of going from one section to the other on successive days, though, I'm reading a book from one section, and then going on to a book from another, so as to have more context. It will still work out to take a year. That's if I don't slack. Which I may well do.

I'm also planning to put up a post about chapter summaries soon, probably when I actually start working on mine for the next study.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

schooling-related rant

This cartoon has been making the rounds of homeschooling e-lists around the nation for a week or so. (go ahead, click the link, I'll wait.) I've copied my post to one of these e-lists here.

Among the many aspects of this attitude that bother me (and there ARE many; I could easily spend a lot of time ranting about, say, whether the quantity of abuse stopped because it's detected at school comes anywhere NEAR the quantity of abuse that actually occurs at school), this one stands out:

Free public schooling used to mean that children could get educated whether their parents were wealthy enough to pay for it or not, hence poor children were not bound to grow up to be poor adults. This was a good thing.

Then it became mandatory, so that we would be "assured" an educated populace (or at least a constantly-replenished workforce). Meh.

With the advent of the two-income-household-based economy, school quickly became free babysitting as well.

Then somewhere along the line school was transformed from a free required education to free required education PLUS a free source of social development. Meh again. (It was quickly discovered that nobody could POSSIBLY reach adulthood and thrive without this source of social development. Who knows how culture even existed before school became mandatory in the 1900's.)

Then along came social education -- also known as The Three R's Plus Everything Else Under The Sun Including AIDS, Safety, Sex Education, Etc. Because of course parents can't be relied upon to teach their kids about these things.

And now the latest "official" purpose for school, according to mainstream thought: Allowing the state to keep an eye on everyone's children. It's not just about educating them (if you can still call it that), babysitting them, teaching them how to wear condoms, and letting their peer group be their main influence anymore. It's now the latest (free and already in place) extension of Big Brother's periscope.

WHAT IS NEXT??

I'm off to be a counter-cultural rebel and teach my own children. See you later.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

not the kind of day homeschoolers brag about

This was one of those days. By that I mean, it's the kind of day which I think those few bitter individuals who think mothers can't teach their children and shouldn't try to do so would wish on me, if they had a little Rachel voodoo doll (let's not give them that idea, shall we?). It's Wednesday, which means chapter summaries. Ordinarily these go very smoothly. LT has become pretty good at them; the format's simple and anyone from a 5-year-old (C does one too) to a professional Bible scholar can get a lot out of it. Today, I think maybe because he got up early, but maybe because he decided subconsciously that this had to be a day to make Mommy alternate between doubting her calling as a mother, and fantasizing about running for the hills, arms flailing wildly, not looking back -- today he just DID NOT WANT to cooperate. So instead of going to Bible study with T and C tonight, we stayed home, and he went to bed after dinner. Apparently he's not TOO sleepy; he's in there reading. That's my boy.


I really hope tomorrow's better. Meanwhile I'm going to go drown my sorrows in a Jane Austen adaptation (P&P, the standby? Or should I branch out into the Kate Beckinsale version of Emma? Or maybe I'll just keep listening to Yahoo Launch's "Big Hits of the 80's" station -- when was the last time I heard a Heart song? Decisions, decisions...) and some crocheting.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

late-night ramble, ack

"Are you ready for Christmas?"

You can't get away from that question in the month of December. It's a conversation starter -- it takes the place of talk about the weather, and just as any pregnant woman is seen as fair game for such questions as "when are you due?" and "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?", it's simply a given that any time you encounter anyone during the first three and a half weeks of December, from the post office clerk up to your close friends, the conversation is likely to open with "Are you ready for Christmas?" And, God help me, I answer it every time with, "Yes, almost done with the shopping." It just comes flying out of my mouth. I should come up with something witty, or just smile, or maybe I should be super-spiritual and expound on how we're preparing spiritually for this celebration of the incarnation of Christ. But I don't, I take the easy way out and give the expected response about (gack) shopping. I was never brave about it when I was pregnant, either. I always wanted to come up with smartass comments: "[sigh] No, I'm not pregnant. I guess I really need to lose this weight." Or "The next person who asks me that will feel the significant force of my wrath. Beware." I never even made the t-shirt I always joked about, with all the pertinent information, so as to avoid having to answer the same-three-questions over and over and over. It's easy to shrug philosophically now, and figure that people don't mean to be annoying; they just like to know what to SAY to a person, and dang, an obvious pregnancy makes it really simple. It was not so easy then, as any woman in late pregnancy will attest. It's the same trap with the Christmas shopping line, except that I do feel a faint sense of spiritual betrayal when I cave in, because after all, aren't I contributing to the crass commercialization of this holiday when I take the easy way out? Ah well.

As an aside, we are doing something nice this year, and we did it last year too. We made up a set of ornaments last year, each with a date (1 through 25) and a Bible verse reference having to do with the birth of Jesus or the reason for it, written on it in gold paint pen. Each night LT looks up the verse and reads it, and the kids take turns hanging the ornaments on the tree. It does help to focus us, at least once a day, on what this is all about. It's not just shopping, or cooking, or even family and togetherness and generosity. And it's certainly not just about Mommy spending three hours on the roof, risking life and limb and getting sore muscles on Sunday afternoon putting up Christmas lights which now look really cool, although she's mighty proud of that (go girl power!).

******Possibly Boring/Mildly Bragging Homeschooling Blurb Follows********

Speaking of LT and "proud of that" -- he surprised the living daylights out of us the other day. He was quizzing C on math problems, asking her things like 5+3 and 4+4, things that she has the barest grasp on (because, hey, she's not even halfway through kindergarten!). So I thought I'd teach LT a little bit of humility and even the scales a bit, and I presented him with a scrap of paper with "3x=6" on it, and asked him, "What's x?" I thought he'd be stumped. He didn't even THINK about it, just said, "Two." So I gave him some harder ones, and he got them all. This is, you have to understand, an eight-year-old boy who "hates math", who adds with his fingers, who probably wouldn't know how to calculate "fifteen divided by three" if you just presented it to him in those terms. So his father and I are giving really basic algebra problems, like 5x+4=44 or 8x-6=50, and he's nailing them all. This is both a homeschooler's dream, and a homeschooler's nightmare (well, nightmare is too strong a word. It gives me a thrilling, excited, challenged feeling like a roller coaster, not a horrified, ominous feeling like a bad dream), because hello, now the rubber actually meets the road and I have to do what I've always said is so great about homeschooling: work up a customized solution. For a person whose grasp of concepts is advanced, but whose practical working-out of grade-level things is average. Fun and rewarding, and definitely possible, but challenging too. He's shown signs of being able to grasp concepts that he couldn't explain since he was a very little boy -- things like knowing how many animals would be in each group of you divided 25 into 5 pens when he was in kindergarten. But it took much time and effort to get the multiplication tables into his head, and he still doesn't have them "memorized to automaticity" -- heck, he doesn't even have addition facts to that point yet. I am thinking he's strong on concepts and not so strong on memorization -- which, hey, if he has to be weak in one area and strong in the other, that's the way I'd want it to go. I asked him today how his brain solved those problems so fast -- what did he think about to get the answer? It took him a while to be able to slow it down enough to tell me, and he says that he knows that the 5x has to be 40, so the x has to be 8. He says that he does not think about subtracting the 4 from both sides, which is of course the "proper" way to solve the problem, and the way he'll have to learn when he's older in order to be able to move on to more complicated equations.

While I'm on the subject of school, I should put in that C is also doing really well. She finished her kindergarten math book a couple of weeks ago, so I'm having her go through the homework workbook that goes along with it, as a review, and then I'll move her on to the next grade's book. She is the opposite of her brother in learning styles -- she has a very good visual memory, and when she's read something, it stays in her head if she wants it to. She is also at the age where she is always coming up with little sayings that sound very funny to her parents, but which bore the pants off people not related to her, so I won't torture you with expectant punch lines here.

OK, OK, one story, I can't resist. But only one, I promise. We were watching footage online of elk damaging vehicles and chasing after people in Yellowstone National Park. The elk in one video would make his high-pitched yelling sound just before charging at cars driven by people who had stopped to look at him. C's cheerful, matter-of-fact comment about elk was: "Well, they make cute sounds. Buuuut, they're evil." I cannot possibly duplicate her expressiveness in type. See, I told you. I don't expect you to gush so don't feel guilty if you don't.

Good Lord I should never update this thing after midnight. I get so stupid. I'll probably delete this in the morning.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

more answers to questions

This is the second entry today with answers to the question "meme"; don't miss the first one.

Some GREAT questions from Paula:

Do you think your kids would be as well off if it were your husband instead of you home with them, assuming you were making as good a wage?
I think they are maybe marginally better off with me home. Mostly, a role reversal would just make their lives different, not necessarily better or worse. But I think our family is better off overall with me the one at home, and T the one at work. Hey, if we could have it any way we wanted it, both their parents would be home all day. Not a lot of work for a telecommuting dad around here, though.

If not, is it a matter of gender or just who would be better at child-rearing and home-schooling? (Because both certainly take talent to do well.)
Well, initially it was definitely a gender issue, because I was the one with the breasts. ;-) Nowadays, well, we each have different strengths. I am more patient, and am more inclined to accept that kids are kids and not to expect them to behave like little adults. I am perhaps better at breaking things down to teach them, although chances are he'd do fine at that, he's just never been tried. I have less of a tendency to expect them to catch on to academic concepts as soon as they're presented the very first time. He, on the other hand, is more organized than I am, and tidier, and probably more attentive, because he's less trusting that the kids are OK left alone for longish periods. It would certainly be an interesting learning experience for both of us to switch roles for a while.

As far as why we don't do it, well, that's more complicated. The simple answer is, we do it this way because the status quo works and why fix it if it's not broken. Also, the fact is that I probably am a LITTLE better-suited to the homeschooling aspects of raising them, because of the patience thing. And he is better at "regular" jobs than I am. I've done "9-5" in a variety of occupations, and I will again someday I'm sure, but if it's one of us going to work and the other not, he's the one to go, because he's better at taking criticism and dealing with the sort of interpersonal stress one encounters in a workplace without getting trembly. Also, husband working/wife tending the home is the Biblical pattern, which is important to us, and it's more suited to our inherent natures. It's not that he's not nurturing, because he is; he's a fantastic and loving father who is seriously emotionally invested in his kids. But he is also tougher and more aggressive than me, which is important in a work environment, and I, as I said, am more patient, which is good for someone who's going to be the sole caregiver for kids. And I'm a better cook. ;-)

None of this is to say that if circumstances changed in some way, we would not roll with the punches and switch roles. I've thought about doing it for a few years just to help T have a little more freedom to find a job that he LOVES rather than one that he tolerates and at which he is competent. But again with the status quo thing -- it's hard to just step out and do that.

Did you have to decide if you wanted kids or was it something you always knew and never questioned?
I have always, always wanted kids. I never ever went through a period when I didn't. I used to pretend I was "having a baby" with my dolls, when I was like three. For a while when I was in high school I decided that I wanted to be a single mom -- didn't want to marry or live with anyone, but still I wanted the kids. My husband also wanted kids as soon as he was mature enough to think about it seriously, and never had to be convinced. When we were first married he wanted to wait a couple years and I didn't, so we compromised and waited one year. :)

answers to questions

yay, questions! (see the previous entry to know what the heck is going on).

First, from Trinity Sixty-Three:


What frustrates you most in life?
Wow. I actually thought about this for quite a while, and I couldn't think of any one overarching frustration as an answer... except maybe some political ones, and those are frustrating in a different way from the day-in-day-out tension-headache frustrations. They're bigger in scale, but less of an actual factor in my daily life. Here's a list of frustrations, though. :-)

• Finding clean laundry in the dirty clothes
  
• Spending hours cleaning the kids' rooms, or coercing them into doing it, and then the next day the messiness starts creeping back in, and a week later you'd never know we'd done it.
  
• My own idiocy and laziness about household stuff. If I would just keep up, my life would be so much nicer. But I seem incapable of remembering that when it's a choice between doing a little bit of laundry and a few dishes and running around with the broom, or sitting at the computer. Until it's a TON of laundry and a HEAP of dishes and a lot of tidying-up that needs done.
  
• Working hard cooking a meal and not hearing "thank you" for it once. Bonus frustration points if the kids complain about it (which is rare, but happens occasionally).
  
• The days when my daughter seems to fall down more than she stands up. And then I feel guilty because hello, it's not like she does it on purpose.
  
• When the car won't start.
  
• When unpleasant things take way, way longer than I thought they would.
  
• My *&^%$#! insurance and its *&^%$#! high copayments for every little step along the way -- $20 to see the doctor, $30 for labs, $30 for x-rays, etc etc. I miss the HMO we had before. boo hoo. Although I imagine the doctors don't...
  
• Repeating myself. It's stupid, but it's one of the things that shortens my fuse really fast.
  
• The way kids "forget" or "didn't hear you" when you've given them a job to do.
  
• When DVDs get left lying around instead of put away.
  
• A messy house in general. Just having the house messy (which it is a lot, and it's my own fault) brings me probably halfway up to what I call my "yell threshold", before anyone does anything.
  

And then from Beth:

Okay, What are your kids going to be for Halloween, what are you going to be for Halloween, and about the home schooling thing: do you have more patience than the average mom? What's your secret?
Well, the first two are easy; we don't celebrate Halloween, for religious reasons. I keep wanting to have a New Year's party with costumes and candy, because I LOVE COSTUMES AND CANDY. But it never happens. Someday. (My kids love to dress up and they have huge tubs of costumes and accessories and lengths of fabric and helmets and belts and who knows what. Making costumes for themselves is pretty much a daily occurrence).

Patience: I don't think I'm any more patient than the average mom, really. There are days when I am frustrated, and at times I even yell at my kids, although that's something I'm working on and I'm way better about it than I used to be. It's just always been my plan to homeschool, since before I had kids. Just like people who get up early and go in to work and face nasty bosses and high stress levels and deadlines and all that -- when it's something that is a necessary part of your life, you just do it; I'm blessed that the thing that is the main focus of my life is also something I almost always enjoy. I do enjoy being around my kids, more than many moms, I think, maybe partly because I have a positive attitude about being around them; I see them as little people whom it is an immense pleasure to get to know, and it's a privilege to be around them as they grow up. And also, it's probably a lot easier because my kids aren't away from the family every day, learning habits and attitudes that cause friction at home. Not that their attitudes or habits never cause friction! (choking with laughter). But I think it's less of a problem than it would be if they were around 300 of their peers for thirty-five hours a week. We fit better together than a lot of families, because we're not becoming strangers as quickly. :)

And then some questions from Jennifer:

Do you find that your faith has led you to discriminate against others?
We all discriminate every day of our lives. "Discriminating" just means choosing, using our values and beliefs to make decisions about what we'll accept, do, etc. We won't all like everyone; we won't all want to be intimate friends with each other. So in that sense, and in the sense of 1 Corinthians 15:33, yes, my faith is one of the factors on which I base my decisions about who I will allow to be an influence in my life. What you mean in asking this question is that you think that Christians look down on others and think we're some kind of super-special people and that everyone else is not "good enough" to be one of us -- which is not the case. Christians know that nobody is "good enough", ourselves included, and that's why Jesus came in the first place. Sinning is equal-opportunity. So is salvation.

Have you ever wondered if perhaps the way you treat people isn't exactly what Jesus wants of you, even though the common practice of your religion calls for it?
Again, you're trying to make a point here, not ask me a question, but I'll pretend that's not the case and answer it anyway. Every Christian wonders about whether our actions in every arena are what Jesus would have us do. We try to follow Him. We're also flawed human beings, and yes, we'll screw up from time to time, and we don't have all the answers so sometimes we're floundering around trying to figure out what to do. Sometimes, just like everyone else, we make the wrong decision, or make the right decision but go about things the wrong way, and hurt people. Sometimes there's no visible way to make the right decision without hurting people. We are all called to be compassionate and kind to one another. That doesn't always happen.

Did you ever find a dress for that scarf I made for you?

No, I have put off major clothing purchases (in other words, anything that isn't either absolutely necessary, or free) until I finish losing weight. Which I sometimes think means I'm just in denial, because I'll be a size twelve until the end of time.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Why couldn't I have just stayed in bed this morning...?

Today has been an odd mix of good and bad stuff. It reminds me of those stories we used to do in elementary school, where we had to alternate "Fortunately" and "Unfortunately." Here's today in second-grade-ese:

FORTUNATELY, I did not have to drag LT out of bed at an un-Godly hour like I usually do, much to the consternation of T, who thinks we should all be in our places with bright shiny faces at the crack of dawn. However, T isn't the one who's home having to stir that heavily-sleeping enormous boy out of his comfortable bed. And there are plenty of advantages to homeschooling, one of which being that we can start whenever we want to each day.

UNFORTUNATELY, LT dragged me out of bed at 7:30 instead. [grr]

FORTUNATELY, we had plenty of cereal and milk for breakfast, thanks to T's trip to the grocery store last night.

UNFORTUNATELY, both children managed to spill their cereal all over the table within about 30 seconds of each other.

OK, I can't think of a "fortunately" for that one.



School went well, and the kids and I had some good quality time outside. There is one section of our yard which will not grow grass no matter how hard we try to grow it there. I think this is a combination of too much shade, too many tree roots, too clay-ish soil, too much slope, and too lazy lawn-care. Anyway, that area always ends up being The Digging Zone for the kids. This year LT has made an intricate series of canals and islands (since I told him he could not "play river", wherein he digs rivers and islands). At least this year he is more persnickety about mud on his person -- he is his father's child through and through and is becoming more so every day in this regard -- so he prefers the neater method of filling a 2L bottle with water and dumping it down the canals, to last year's mud-hole method wherein he would just turn on the hose and put it at the uphill end of the river. So I sat outside and read a book while he and his willing slave (I mean assistant, I mean sister) dug happily and interrupted me periodically with "look at this!" -- at which I would look, pretend to notice the difference, and go back to my book. Then I had to stop procrastinating and actually (sigh) clean the kitchen. My roll of kitchen trash bags has mysteriously disappeared, so LT "loaned" (little egghead) me one of his trash bags (which I bought for him to make his recycling area neater and easier to deal with... but who's counting...). T called in the middle of me taking out the trash, which is, suffice to say, not the best time to try to have a loving conversation with me. It was such a tense conversation that he called back half an hour later -- he said he was just checking to see if I felt better, but I think he did it to make sure that I was OK and hadn't gone completely psycho and started killing the neighbors or anything newsworthy like that.


Once the kitchen was clean, things were going along pretty well until I had to stop procrastinating again -- I hate that -- this time at the last possible moment when I could start making dinner rolls for our potluck tonight if I wanted to have them done on time. All was going swimmingly until I looked down at the recipe and remembered that I didn't have any eggs. When I made cookies last week I used our last egg and had to send one of the kids down to borrow two from the neighbor ladies, and I didn't want to do that again. And there's no way I could make it to the store and back in time to make the darn rolls. And the restaurant (my very favorite restaurant in the world, have I mentioned that place before? ;) which I was going to call to order a dozen of their scrumpdiddlyumptious rolls to go, since my procrastination had landed me in such hot water, turns out to be closed on Wednesdays. sigh. I guess I'll make garlic bread. But first I have to wait for some actual wearable-outside-the-house clothes to finish in the dryer.



Too bad I couldn't just stay in bed this morning. I need to schedule an illness or something. [g]

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Tuesday, October 21, 2003

fell off the diet wagon

Over the course of the last few weeks I totally fell off the diet wagon. Or, should I say, I jumped off with both feet. It is a full-out miracle that I didn't gain back everything I've lost to date. As it is, I did gain back two pounds (or else I can be like Cathy and assume that those two pounds were just water ;-). Nothing to do with the fact that I inhaled chocolate chip cookies as if they were calorie-free -- nothing to do with eating at restaurants two days in a row (Chinese for lunch on Sunday and then [insert heavenly choir clouds-opening chords here] The Red Fox last night for dinner. That one was T's idea, and bless him, it was fantastic. I love that place, it's my favorite restaurant, and everyone should eat there. But I had been so good all day until then...), nothing to do with the fact that the most brisk walking I've done since the end of September was about a block and a half total on Friday when I parked my car in the center of a triangle whose points were the post office, the grocery store, and our credit union. I did get a lot of exercise on Saturday, helping to paint my parents' house, but then I ate enough of my dad's barbecue to compensate fully for that. So I am still hanging around juuuuust under 174, a net loss of juuuuust over 20 lb. And of course I resolve to Change That.


Another thing about today that really bites is that for some reason my ISP's Internet connection works just great, but their website and email is down. waah! Not only am I having email withdrawal, but I can envision the piles and piles of mail backing up at the server, because I get a LOT of mail, and I know I should just set it downloading and then go, say, on an expedition to Mt. Everest, while I wait for it to download, when it finally functions again.


My 4-year-old daughter is singing "Happy Birthday" (to whom I do not know) in Ewok-ese. "Yub yub yub yub yub yub!" and so on. She is also playing tic-tac-toe with her Ewok Pez dispenser as an opponent. I just thought I would share a little bit of normal with you all. :)


We have been having a great time in school. We learned as much as we wanted to about Arthurian legends, and then LT wanted to move on to studying maps. So this week he's learning basics -- he already knows map directions and how to interpret most things on maps; he's learning where the continents and oceans are now. Then next week we'll start going continent-by-continent, studying countries on each one. I'm really looking forward to it, and so is he -- especially to the part when we find recipes from the various countries we study and make them. I am wondering what people eat in Africa, though. I suppose I'll find out. ;-).

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